Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
