i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
