Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
