just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
