Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
