The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
