You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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