oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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