When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
