that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We had sex on a dog bed..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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