i don't like sucking hair
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
