you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
