Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
