I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
