Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
