Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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