the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
