do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
