Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
