if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Never let your siblings swipe right.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
