Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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