I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
