I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if only i could text you this smell
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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