Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
