you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
