Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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