I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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