He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
