I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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