Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The ass gains better be worth it
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