Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
