I think i peed on brittanys purse
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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