sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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