you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Your dad touched me again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
