Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
