I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need water and some morals
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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