Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
