I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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