i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
