Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
