made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
