what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
