She said her name was "party"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
