Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
