Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
