the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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