He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
