Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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