it hurts more in the daytime
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
