People in love make me want to vomit
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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