Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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