i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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