i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
