the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
